Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.
My dad is now a milkman.
Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.
Orphans have tasted all cookies except for homemade ones.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.
why cant orphans watch pg movies. parental guidence
A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."
He went home, his parents weren't there.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
If u cant see ur family... UR AN orphan
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."
So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.
