Evers jokes

Dog

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

Gunshot

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Crash

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

Rope

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

Memes

Baby

Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

Redneck

If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...

Phone

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

Clock

Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.

Rapper

What's the funniest thing you ever read? For me it was when Rapboat told me he was a legit rapper.

Rhyme

What's only book rapeboat ever read? Rhyming dictionary, he got no rhymes without it.

Rapper

Why don't rappers ever become chefs?

Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!

Rapper

Why don't rappers ever play baseball?

Because they're too busy dropping hits!

Rapper

Why don't rappers ever get lost?

Because they always have BARS on their GPS.

Shellfish

"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"

"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"