Evers jokes

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.

It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Ever heard of candies? Candies balls fit in your mouth.

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...

Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?

Neither has he.

Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

Why don't rappers ever play baseball?

Because they're too busy dropping hits!

What's only book rapeboat ever read? Rhyming dictionary, he got no rhymes without it.

Why don't rappers ever become chefs?

Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!