Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
ching chong kading dong.
( my best words ever used ) .
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah fuck all you cancer patients
Your life is the best joke ever
Have you ever been eight before?
You were between 7 and 9
My kids so dam bad.we took them to Disney in Florida.they paid me not to bring them back ever.
whats the grossest thing ever? A bag of dead babies whats even more gross? The bottom one is still wriggling
You I didn’t see you there the pizza place is hunted bad so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁 The end or is it bye-bye
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, "Next, please."
A cop saw an old lady carring two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash. "How did you get all this?" asked the cop. "Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grapped by hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that nobody pees in my yard ever again." The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?" She said, "Not everybody paid."
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient. The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient". Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants. Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage. After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control. Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?" The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Why do women have legs? Because they would leave snail tracks where ever they went.
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
Robin Williams’ death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed)
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a NAVIGATOR dropping the beat
What did one ocean say to the other ocean. nothing it just waved.this was thw worst joke ever
If you ever tought you are gay,remember that Cock roaches exists.
If you’re ever board punch an orphan. What are they gonna do tell their parents?
