Even jokes
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."
Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.
(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.
We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.
Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*
You're so ugly that even the World Trade Center got a better transformation than you.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.