Emotion jokes
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.
I'm an orphan, please stop it. It's not nice and it made me cry.
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.
Wanna hear a joke? Me.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
I'm all panic and no disco.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
Hehe.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Oooh, I fall apart. Oooh, yeah, mmhmm. She told me that I'm not enough, yeah, And she left me with a broken heart, yeah. She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah. She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah. Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah, And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah. Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought.
I laughed at my life so hard.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.