Dying jokes
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
My dad died lol.