A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why did Stephan hawking die? He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says Iâm okay, but I feel like Iâve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldnât build a car out of spaghetti. You shouldâve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, âWhatâs your favorite kind of music?â The other says, âIâm a big metal fan.â
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didnât the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I canât drink coffee anymore. Or else theyâll ground me!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump đŹ.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
