Downing jokes
Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Yo mama so fat, when I went to the beach, the sun went down.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
*trigger alert*
Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?
Because there were too many black holes.
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
Touch Down.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
There were three boys on the top of a slide.
The first one went down yelling "gold!" and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted "pillows!" and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted "weeeeeeeee!"