Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
