Dont jokes
Why can’t orphans tell jokes?
Because their parents can’t *bear* the *jeans* because they don’t have any.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
Snover1: You can't pass through Snow Way!
Squirtle: Why can't I pass through Snow Way?
Snover1: There's snow in the way.
Snover2: Yeah, you can't get past through the snow while it's on the way, to continuous.
Squirtle: What? There's snow in here the whole time. What is this? Snow Society?!
"AAAAARRRGGH!!"
Squirtle: Who is that?
Snover2: That is Snow.
Squirtle: What?! That giant snow tree thing is Abomasnow!
Snover2: Oops! Don't be a Halt!
"Haaaaaaaaallllltttt!!!"
"Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!"
Snovers: That was a JOKE, Squirtle be FROZEN, just let it go, let it go!
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"