DOE jokes
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!
Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.