Do jokes
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Memes
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."