Do jokes
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
Memes
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
What do you call an orphan? No home-o.
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Q.) What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A.) A family stump.
If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of 'em can see their parents.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.