Do jokes

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

"I was on top!"

All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

"I'm having puppies!"

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A ffsshh.

How do you sink an American battleship?

Have the French build it.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.

What do you call a German man who can't see?

A not see.

What do you call someone smart and dead?

Stephen Hawking...

Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?

You pick it up off the street.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?

Down Quijote.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.

Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.