I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Dark humor is like a boy with cancer.
They never get old.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
