Disability jokes

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

What do you call a disabled Arab?

Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.