Disability jokes

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

What do you call a disabled Arab?

Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."

Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.

What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The wheelchair.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!

Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.

Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?

Because there is no ramp to heaven.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!