Disability jokes

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

What do you call a disabled Arab?

Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."

Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The wheelchair.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.