Disability jokes
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
How do you execute a retard?
The Electric Wheelchair.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
A blind guy walks into a bar.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.