Disability jokes

When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.

What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

Not being retarded.

Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?

Because he told the man to put his hands up.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

How do you execute a retard?

The Electric Wheelchair.

A blind guy walks into a bar.

What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.

My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?

Because he couldn't do standup.

Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.

I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.

How do you name a disabled Asian?

Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

Eileen.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?

So you could read her lips.