Disability jokes
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
What do you call a fat spеaky in a wheelchair spеaky chair?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
What is the definition of Endless Love?
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his carer lost his charger.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.
Why are autistic kids a stupid, brainless, special freak?
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."