How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.