Disability jokes
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?
Special Forces.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?