Disability jokes
What's Jeffrey Epstein's favourite vegetable?
The retarded kid down the street.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
What do you call Autistic kids baking?
"Downies" with brownies.
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.