Disability jokes

I bought a book for my blind friend.

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

What is the worst comedy for disabled people?

Stand-up comedy!

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?

Hot Wheels.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

Why is the German blind?

Because he's a "not see."

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?

Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn't see anything wrong with it.