Disability jokes
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.