Disability jokes
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.
Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
What do you call Yakub with no eyes?
No eyes Yakub.
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite place in Fortnite? The reboot van.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."
What do you call a person in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"
Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?
Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."