Dis jokes

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

Yesterday I asked an emo girl if she's jealous when her phone dies.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

I get jealous when my phone dies.

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.

What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?

The blue screen of death.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.