Dick's jokes
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
Like if you have a dick, or you are an orphan.
Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?
Kid 2: Why?
Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
Yo momma so slutty, she did a mukbang video with dicks instead of food.
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
"Sike, I lied, your dick is dry."
A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.
He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Does that dick match that forehead? 👀
Why did Kenny die?
Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
Why is Bill the bad guy?
Monica wanted to suck dick.