When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"
Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.