Death jokes
I asked an emo kid if they were jealous because their phone died before them.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.
Cremation is my only hope for a hot, smoking body.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Why did 10 die??
Because he was in between 9/11.
Why did Techno die?
They broke his bed.
What kills you?
Suicide.
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only once though, and only for 20 seconds...
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef?
He pasta-way...