Death

Death jokes

An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.

Who hit the ground first?

The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.

So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.

What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?

An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.

Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...