Death jokes

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Kid says to genie,

"I want to be like Batman!"

Kid goes home, both of them are dead.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?

The Emo hangs himself.

Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?

You’re breathtaking!

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

I killed my cat.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?

What do you call a dead polar bear?

Anything, they can't hear you!

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Not to see his parents.

What caused Captain Hook's death?

He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.