Death

Death Jokes

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.