Dais jokes

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

Today is the day, time for more jokes!

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!