Dais jokes
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.
Memes
Leo is like a cloud... when she disappears, it's a beautiful day.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.
What did the water say to the cup?
"Good day!"
One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.
Then it hit me.
I poo 11 times a day.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.