Dais jokes

Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?

Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

Good Morning! Have a Great Day!

#Ijustwokeup

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

Why are there only 363 days for orphans?

Because they don't have Mothers' and Fathers' Day.

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.

Type this in your calculator:

5 days a week (type in 5),

6 different classes (type in 6),

7 hours a day (type in 7),

x

2 semesters (type in 2),

=

flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

What is the difference between snow boots on Earth Day, today, after dinner, and walking home?

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!