Dais jokes

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

Type this in your calculator:

5 days a week (type in 5),

6 different classes (type in 6),

7 hours a day (type in 7),

x

2 semesters (type in 2),

=

flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

What is the difference between snow boots on Earth Day, today, after dinner, and walking home?