Dais jokes

Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.

The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?

Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

What is a difference between a tree? Tree 🌲 was the day you get.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.