Dais jokes

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

Your mum is so fat she eats all day!

What's the difference between anal and oral?

Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.

That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.

Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.

Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.

What is a difference between a tree? Tree 🌲 was the day you get.

Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.

One day you were at the store and you see you in a cart, and so you get out, and it was a mirror. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Lol