What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
The picture only takes one nail to hang.
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
Did Jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
