Crucifixion jokes
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."