Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?: She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff; they found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
why did the orphan cross the road because he doesnt have parnets
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
IDK! WHY?
To go see yo mama!
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the bitch house Knock knock Who's there? The chicken
