Criminal jokes

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

What do you call a nut in jail?

A busted nut.

Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

Why can't orphans be criminals?

They aren't wanted...

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"

What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

What are a pedophile"s shoes called?

Answer: WHITE VANS

What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!

What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?

One is wanted and one's not.

Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?

Because they weren't even wanted.