Criminal Jokes

What's a convicts favorite chore.

Weeding.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What did the bee say after the execution - the criminal has been beeheaded

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

The real dead hooked joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC, you know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker Pork. Concidering it stretching from the 80's-2000's pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton Pork.

Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy. Cause he's the most wanted

What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive

Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?

So he could be wanted.

Why dose a orphan play gta to be wanted😂😭

Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists

I found a lot of matches

Why did the orphan become a criminal? Because he wanted to actually be wanted.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal and one man came up with a great idea. He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victimless!

Q. What’s a good thing about a child molesters A. They drive slow through school zones

What do you call a criminal.

Disarmed and dangerous

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”