Criminal jokes
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Only one is wanted.