Crack jokes
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
What type of sound does your crack make?
Answer: Quack!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to get the free cracked version of Windows 10.
Which country makes me crack the fuck up?
LAUGHghanistan.
Two Arabs are swapping jokes. One cracks up and yells, "Man, that joke was an absolute blast!"
What do you call a smart booty?
A wise-crack!
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.