Corpse jokes
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
What’s the difference between a pile of corpses and a Mclaren P1?
I don’t have a garage.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.