Corpse Jokes

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

What game do zombies like to play?

Corpse and Robbers.

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

What is a necrophile's least favorite game?

The Walking Dead.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.