Cool Jokes

Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?

A: They stand near the fans!🏀🏀😆😆

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop - Right. So you weight yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool. - Oh..that might actually be even easier

Your so cool that celebrities take pictures of you

Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza? It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before its cool.

In the hospital they need to keep the disabled patients rooms cooler than the other patients rooms. Why? They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.

I say 1 2 3 all the kids bullied me but now they're not so cool cuz I shot up the school

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I just saw people writing Zoophile, Ailurophile, Dendrophilia in their bio, I thought this is cool but when I wrote Necrophile and Pedophile, Idk why people started hating me as I did something wrong, I was just trying to be cool as them man

why did the fridge have lots of friends?

Cause it was COOL

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic. Next, google 'God in Aramaic'. See the results for yourself. <3

I think God is cool with abortion

After all, he did kill his only son

One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, "you have to come with me and see this it's really important," Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can't it wait until the morning?' I pleaded, "no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "oh so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

Q: what do you cool a Chinese billionaire

A: Cha-Ching

Girl: I’m so in love with you! Boy: me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: - aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot. Girl: whats the ijk? Boy: I’m just kidding

i thought i saw a cool sticker on my office window, then i realized it was getting bigger and bigger

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood Now ain't that cool?

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!