Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
Why is there Air Conditioning at a Hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
yum
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
"Gay Furry Femboys are cool."
Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.
“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.
literally no one:why cant you hear the pterodactyl random person:i don't know no one:BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT random person:ha cool i guess
My brother thinks hes cool when he just SMELLS
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are
But numbers can (Lol)
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man" said the young woman, "why?" said her friend. "Oh, I don't know just men are so cool", "is that the only reason?" said her friend. "Maybe........" said the young woman "Maybe".
Why was the mushrooms the cool guy at the party:because he was a fungi
To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.
"Joe Mama is very cool. Sweet Home Alabama starts."
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
