Comparison jokes
I’d say Leo is as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.
Yo hairline is bigger than yo mama's booty.
Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?
You're so ugly, even Smara gets jealous.
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.