Comparison jokes
My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
Which is better looking, girls or women?
Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.