Comparison jokes

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.

Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.

Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.

Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.