It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza...nothing because I'll eat them both
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
you can tune a car...but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies, i don't have a Porsche in my garage
