Comparison jokes
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."