Comparison jokes
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
What makes Squidward and a Quandale Dingle the same?
They both got them big parts.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain Bolt finished the races.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
Your mama's so fat that she's bigger than the Titanic.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"