Comparison jokes
That is so bad, just like you.
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?
Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
Your forehead is so big, I thought it was Mount Chiliad.
Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?
RUSSIA US A
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Your hairline is like Mr. Clean's... nonexistent!
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.