Clergy jokes
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
What kind of sex do priests love?.
Nun.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"