Clergy jokes
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha 🤣
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)