Clause jokes
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.