Clause jokes
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.