Clause jokes
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.