Clause jokes

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?

Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.

Why did Santa stop at three ho's?

Ms. Claus caught him.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"

"Claustrophobic!"

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?

Claus-trophobic.

Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?

They're the ones that make the toys.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"