Back
Christmas

Christmas jokes

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!

Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

He had no legs.

Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?

'Cause she always dropped them.

Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?

They are both going to be hanging from a tree.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.