Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?
1 baby in 10 buckets.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents can't watch them!
Why do orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents aren't!
Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?
Orphans.
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
I saw an orphan and asked them if they had parent permission.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
