Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
[Parent’s signature: __________]
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have nobody to call daddy.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Why can’t an orphan make a joke?
Dad jokes.
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
Knock knock, Whos there? child, Child who? Child Millissa!
I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.
Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.
When an orphan takes a picture, it’s a family portrait.
What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children?
Artificial vanilla comes from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
