Change jokes
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
Why is the sun red today?
The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on how high your ceiling is.
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."