Ceremony jokes
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Why can’t orphans be married?
Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
I put the fun in funeral.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?
Panera Wed.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.